My Immortal: The Edit
by Keagan of Rohan
Summary: My Immmortal, the most beautifully mind-blowing fanfiction ever. Really, it is. Plus, sexy, sexy lemons.  **Complete!**
1. For Your Information

So! This is the edited edition of My Immortal, possibly the worst Harry Potter fanfic ever. I'm also _possibly, _just_ maybe_ violating a few rules, but who cares? (not me.)

**The authoress**: Tara Gilesbie, known here as XXXbloodyrists666XXX. Do with that information what you will.

**In other words**: not mine.

I have reposted/edited this purely for your entertainment.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Is this for real or just a written by an incredibly brilliant troll?**: No one knows, which is why it could be considered the best trollfic ever. (If it is a trollfic.) However, I believe the authoress was completely serious.

Feel free to leave original/interesting comments (or just rant, it's okay with me) by clicking on the blue review button b e l o w and in future chapters.

**Full Info**: Google 'my immortal fanfic' for full details, because I fail at that sort of thing.

**Warnings and shit**: Cursing, utter goffikness, stupidity, and inconsistency. Also, sexy, sexy lemons.

**Allergy warning**: If you are allergic to the above things, it is unadvisable to keep reading. But hey, who's stopping you?

Now, please click the 'Next' button and enjoy this remastered piece of sh- IMEANWORKOFART.


	2. Chapter 1: A Slice Of Fail Pie

**Chapter 1: Special fangs (get it, 'cause I'm goffik) to my girlfriend (ew, not in that way) Raven, bloodytearz666, for helping me with the story and spelling. You rock! Justin, you're the love of my depressing life! You rock, too! MCR ROCKS! **

My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name), with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back. I have icy blue eyes like limpid tears. A lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if you don't know who she is, get the hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way, but I wish I was, because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire, but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England, where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

I'm a Goth (in case you couldn't tell), and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic, and I buy all my clothes from there. For example, today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining, so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey, Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… Draco Malfoy!

"What's up, Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said. Then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go.

**AN: Is it good? PLEASE tell me! Fangs!**

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**Editor's note:** Your first slice of this shit-flavored fail pie. Enjoy, loves!


	3. Chapter 2: The prepz start flaming

**Chapter 2: Fangs to bloodytearz666 for helping me with the chapter! By the way, preps, stop flaming my story, okay!**

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The next day, I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony, and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took off my giant MCR t-shirt, which I used for pajamas.

Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. My friend, Willow (AN: Raven, this is you!), woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick, white foundation and black eyeliner).

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No, I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah, right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," I replied, flirting.

"Guess what," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade," he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well, do you want to go with me?" he asked. I gasped.

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**Editor's note: **She has a love of shorthand. I've edited out most of it, but left some teeny, tiny bits in to emphasize just how preppy her speech is. Pretty ironic, all things considered.


	4. Chapter 3: The Sueishness continues

**Chapter 3: STOP FLAMING THE STORY PREPS, OKAY! Otherwise, fangs to the goffik people for the good reviews! FANGS AGAIN, RAVEN! Oh yeah, by the way, I don't own this or the lyrics.**

The night of the concert, I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot of cool boys wear it, okay!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony," he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.

We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood/They're all so happy you've arrived/The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom/She sets you free into this life," sang Joel (I don't own the lyrics to that song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's okay. I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco, sensitive, and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel, and he's going out with Hilary _fucking_ Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch," I said, disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde hair. The night went on really well, and I had a great time.

So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

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**Editor's Note: **We interrupt this broadcast with a message from the Department of Public Health: don't do drugs, don't drink and drive, and don't have sex. Because you _will_ get pregnant. And die.

[Keagan of Rohan does not endorse Tara/Ebony's unhealthy and sometimes illegal behavior. However, she does endorse making Mean Girls references wherever one wishes, because it's _just that funny._]


	5. Chapter 4: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

**Chapter 4: I said stop flaming, okay, Ebony's name is ENOBY not Mary Sue! OKAY? DRACO IS SO IN LOVE with her, that he is acting different! They knew each other before, okay? **

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Draco didn't answer, but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curious. "What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?"

I leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts), which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad. Then, suddenly, just as I got close, Draco kissed me passionately.

Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took off my top, and I took off his clothes. I even took off my bra.

Then he put his thingy into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!" It was… Dumbledore!

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**Editor's note: **Ladies and gentlemen of Fanfiction dot net, I give you the Greatest Lemon of All Time! (Yeah, I'm just that clever at 9:48 PM. NAILED IT.) /shot


	6. Chapter 5: BECAUSE I LOVE HER

**Chapter 5. AN: STOP flaming! If you flame, it means you're a prep or a poser! The only reason Dumbledore swore is 'cause he had a headache, okay? And on top of that he was mad at them for having sex! I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!**

Dumbledore made Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludicrous fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall, who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked, "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said, "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah, I guess," I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out…

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I Just Wanna Live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

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**Editor's Note**: This chapter is so stupid, I shouldn't have even bothered with it. But I did, because I'm evil like that. Lol no not really. Being evil is for pansies.


	7. Chapter 6: Enter Harry

**Chapter 6: Shut up, preps, okay? PS, I won't update until you give me good reviews!**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end, and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up, 'cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that it was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore, and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's, and there was no scar on his forehead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him, kind of like an erection, only I'm a girl so I don't get one, you sicko.

"I'm so sorry," he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days," he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood," he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire," I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me, so I went away with him.

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**Editor's note:** For the love of God and all that is holy, use phrases like 'I questioned,' 'he giggled,' 'he grumbled,' and the others she used _sparingly_. In almost every case, 'he said,' 'she said,' 'I said,' etc. is best. _Please_. _Just use 'said'. God kills puppies and kittens when you don't._


	8. Chapter 7: Bring Me To Life

**Chapter 7: Bring Me To Life**

**AN: well, okay you guys, I'm only writing this because I got 5 good reviews. And by the way, I won't write the next chapter until I get TEN good reviews! STOP FLAMING OR I'LL REPORT YOU! Ebony isn't a Mary Sue, okay, she isn't perfect, SHE'S A SATANIST! And she has problems. She's depressed, for God's sake!**

Draco and I held our pale white hands (with black nail polish) as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist signs on my nails in red nail polish (AN: see, does that sound like a Mary Sue to you?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door.

Then we started frenching passionately, and we took off each other's clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took off my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (see, is that stupid?)

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm, when all of a sudden, I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody, gothic writing was the word…Vampire! I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDS anyway!" I put on my clothes all huffy and then stomped out. Draco ran out, even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out, and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom, where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

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**Editor's note**: I think it's funny when people don't understand that 'Mary Sue' is something of a broad term. In any case, Ebony is the perfect, if a bit on the extreme side, example of the Jerk Sue.


	9. Chapter 8: A Love Triangle?

**Chapter 8: Stop flaming, okay! If you do, then you're a prep!**

In the class people stared at me, and then Draco came into the room (even though he was naked), and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understandingly. She flipped her long, waist-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes that were the color of blood (she was wearing contact lenses). She had pale white skin, and was wearing white makeup. Hermione had been kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents were vampires, and one of them was a witch, but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith, not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism, she is in Slytherin now, not Gryffindor.)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demanded angrily in his cold voice. I ignored him.

"Draco, I can't believe you cheated on me with Vampire!" I shouted.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Ha ha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virginity to Draco and then I burst into tears.

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**Editor's note**: Here, it seems, that she suddenly switches to Draco narrating for a few sentences, then switching back to Ebony.

Also, take careful note that while Draco _says _Ebony is bisexual, this the only mention/reference to it in the entire story. **Word Of Advice**: Don't say your OC is bisexual if she(he) is only going to lust after a guy(girl) and never have any sort of feelings (past, present, or future) for someone of the same sex. That's the whole point of bisexuality: _being attracted to both sexes. _Don't say it just because you think it's cool, okay? Mean what you say, my fellow Pottertards, and make me proud to be part of this fandom! YEAH! (#motivational speech)


	10. Chapter 9: Le Gasp! It's Moldy Voldy!

**Chapter 8: Stop flaming, okay! If you do, then you're a prep!**

In the class people stared at me, and then Draco came into the room (even though he was naked), and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understandingly. She flipped her long, waist-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes that were the color of blood (she was wearing contact lenses). She had pale white skin, and was wearing white makeup. Hermione had been kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents were vampires, and one of them was a witch, but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith, not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism, she is in Slytherin now, not Gryffindor.)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demanded angrily in his cold voice. I ignored him.

"Draco, I can't believe you cheated on me with Vampire!" I shouted.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Ha ha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virginity to Draco and then I burst into tears.

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**Editor's note**: Here, it seems, that she suddenly switches to Draco narrating for a few sentences, then switching back to Ebony.

Also, take careful note that while Draco _says _Ebony is bisexual, this the only mention/reference to it in the entire story. **Word Of Advice**: Don't say your OC is bisexual if she(he) is only ever going to lust after/fall in love/have romantical feelings for a guy(girl) and then let it just sort of fall into a plothole. Like abuse, this isn't something to take lightly. Don't say it or label your character as such just because you think it's cool, okay? Mean what you say, and keep your word, my fellow Potterheads, and make me proud to be part of this fandom! YEAH! (#motivationalspeech)


	11. Chapter 10: Like a Slut

**Chapter 10: Stop it, you gay fags! If you do not like my story, then fuck off! PS: It turns out B'loody Mary isn't a muggleborn after all, and she and Vampire are evil. That's why they moved houses, okay! **

I was really scared about Voldemort all day. I was even upset when I went to rehearse with my gothic metal band, Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it, and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot, and MCR.

The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (We call him Diablo now. He has black hair with blue streaks in it.) and Hagrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed, and weren't coming, so we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire, too. The only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that), or a stake.) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like Corpse Bride.

I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs, and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut, but I'm really not. We were singing a cover of 'Helena', and at the end of the song, I suddenly bust into tears.

"Ebony! Are you okay?" B'loody Mary asked, concerned.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said, "Well, Voldemort came, and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?" He shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (see, is that out of character?) I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too, all sensitive. Then he ran out. We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbledore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't because he had a headache.

"What have you done?" He started to cry wisely. (See, that's basically not swearing and this time he was really upset, and you will see why.) "Ebony, Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

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**Editor's note**: 'you gay fags?' lol. REDUNDANCY FTW

And just how the _hell _does one cry 'wisely'? Major wtf.

And Corpse Bride isn't depressing, it's a comedy! Sort of. But it's definitely a musical.


	12. Chapter 11: SRS BSNS, PPL

**Chapter 11: I said stop flaming, you preps! See if this chapter is stupid! It deals with really serious issues! PS: See for yourself if it's stupid! By the way, fangs to my friend Raven for helping me! **

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrified! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv like that. I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists.

They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a stake and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sadly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it.

Then I looked out the window and screamed. Snape was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Lupin was masturbating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT?" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Avra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Lupin pointing his wand. I took my gun and shot Snape and Lupin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumbledore ran in.

"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Lupin and then he waved his wand and suddenly Hagrid ran outside on his broom and said, "Everyone we need to talk."

"What do you know, Hagrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT," Hagrid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Snape said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumbledore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled and held up the camera triumphantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" I felt faint, more than I normally do. Like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Lupin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his…

Then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE BECAUSE," Hagrid said and he paused in the air dramatically, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffik?" Snape asked in a little afraid voice, 'cause he was afraid it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

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**Editor's note: **How can rap be 'gothic?'

Well, Snape, he did say he was a Satanist…


	13. Chapter 12: OMFG, RLY LONG CHAPPIE GUYZ

**Chapter 12: stop flaming, ok! Hagrid is a pedophile too, a lot of people in American schools are like that! I wanted to address the issue! How do you know Snape isn't Christian? Plus Hagrid isn't really in love with Ebony! That was Cedric, ok!**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Draco had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy, but I knew that we must go together.

"NO!" I thought it was Hagrid, but it was Vampire. He started to scream.

"OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"

Then… his eyes rolled up! I could only see the whites of his eyes. I stopped. "How did you know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do, but Diablo changed it into a pentagram for me, and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway, my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! Then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Voldemort has him in bondage!"

Anyway, I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snape and Lupin and Hagrid were there too. They were going to St. Mungo's after they recovered, because they were pedophiles, and you can't have those fucking perverts teaching in a school with lots of hot girls. Dumbledore had confiscated the video that they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. Hagrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. "Enoby, I need to tell you something." he said in a very serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink, and I don't like fucked up preps like you," I snapped. Hagrid had been mean to me before for being gothic.

"No, Enoby." Hagrid said. "They are not roses."

"What, are they goths, too, you poser prep?" I asked, because I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily.

"No you didn't," I replied.

"I saved you from getting a Paris Hilton porn video made from your shower scene and being viewed by Snape and Lupin. Who masturbated (see, is that spelled wrong) to it," he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered, "Well If you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say!"

"That's not a spell, that's an MCR song," I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords."

Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(for all you cool gothic MCR fans out there, that is a tribute! Especially for Raven! I love you, girl!)imo noto okayo!" And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"Okay, I believe you. Now where the fuck is Draco?" Hagrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could see nothing.

"You see, Ebony," Dumbledore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "To see what is in the flames(HAHA YOU REVIEWERS FLAMES GEDDIT) you must find yourself first."

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF, OKAY, YOU MEAN, OLD MAN!" I yelled. Dumbledore looked shocked. I guess he didn't have a headache, or else he would have said something stormed off back into his bed.

"You are a liar, professor Dumbledore!"

When I got better, I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them.

I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from The Ring (if you don't know who she is, you're a prep so fuck off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. "You look kawaii, girl," B'loody Mary said sadly.

"Fangs (geddit), you do too." I said sadly too. I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snape and Lupin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes.

Vampire was in the Care of Magical Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. "Hi," he said in a depressed way.

"Hi back." I said in an equally sad voice. We looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Draco's. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

"STOP IT NOW, YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire, you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I love Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away. Then he started to scream.

"OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then… his eyes rolled up! I could only see the whites of his eyes.

"NO!" I ran up closer."I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do, but Diablo changed it into a pentagram for me, and I always cover it up with foundation," he said back. "Anyway, my scar hurt, and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco… Voldemort has him in bondage!"

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**Editor's note: **Yes, you read the ending right. It's the same as the beginning. And Hagrid was really Cedric? Whot? Man, do I ever want to insert comments into the story. Anywho, this chapter was a whopping _nearly two pages._ Yes, my fellow fanfictioneers (?), an almost two pages! Let's give a round of applause for the little psycho who wrote this!*claps*


	14. Chapter 13: It's Old Voldy! again

**SPECIAL FANGS TO RAVEN, MY GOTHIC BLOOD SISTER! WHAT THE FUCK? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WRITE THIS! HEY RAVEN, DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER IS?**

**Chapter 13: Raven fangs for helping me again. I'm sorry I took your poster of Gerard, but that guy is such a fucking sexbomb! PREPS STOP FLAMING!**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore! Dumbledore!" We both yelled. Dumbledore came.

"What is it that you want, you despicable snobs?" He asked angrily.

"Voldemort has Draco!" We shouted at the same time. He laughed. "No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" We begged.

"No," he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school, especially with YOU, Ebony," he said, while he frowned, looking at me. "Besides, I never liked him that much anyway."

Then he walked away. Vampire started crying.

"My Draco!" He moaned. (AN: don't you think gay guys are, like, so hot!)

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm.

"I have an idea!" He exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see," He said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemort's lair!

We ran in with our wands out, just as we heard a cruel voice say, "Avada Kedavra!" It was… Voldemort!

* * *

**Editor's note**: I have no idea, really, of what to make of the AN at the very top. It sounds like a back-and-forth, like she and Raven are communicating via grabbing the keyboard and typing furiously.


	15. Chapter 14: rly scary! Nawt 4 preps!

**Chapter 14: Fuck off, PREPS, okay! Raven fangs for helping again. I'm sorry I couldn't update, but I was depressed and I had to go to the hospital 'cause I slit my wrists. PS: I'm not updating until y'all give me 10 good reviews!**

**SOME OF THIS CHAPTER IS EXTREMLY SCARY. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.**

We ran to where Voldemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Wormtail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Wormtail.

"Get out of my sight, you despicable preps!" He shouted as we started shooting him with the gun. Then, suddenly, he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "Ebony-I-love-you-will-you-have-sex-with-me?" He asked. (In this he is sixteen years old, so he's not a pedophile, okay?)

"Huh?" I asked.

"Ebony, I love you. Will you have sex with me?" asked Wormtail. I started laughing cruelly. "What the fuck? You torture my boyfriend and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up, you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" He screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I burst into tears.

"Wormtail, what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking towards us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. Then I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco, taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit 'cause he's so sexy) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yelled. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all the other girls and preps here, except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts," answered Draco.

"Yeah, but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Lupin took a video of me naked. Hagrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and then Wormtail said he was in love with me! I just wanna be with you, okay, Draco? Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (AN: don't worry, Ebony isn't a snob or anything, but a lot of people have told her she's pretty) "I'm good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

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**Editor's note: **Yeah, Ebony, why can't you be more like a normal person and not a Mary Sue?


	16. Chapter 15: Kissin' Like Preps

**Chapter 15: stop flaming, okay! By the way, you suck, flamers! From now on, every time someone flames me, I'm gonna slit my wrists! Fangs to Raven for helping!**

"Ebony! Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad. "Whatever! Now you can go and have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy, in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed.

Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said 'anarchy' on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them in blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did some advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.

Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! "Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I don't care what those fucker preps and posers think. You're the most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!" Then, he started to sing "The Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now 'cause we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class!

His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't you think those guys are so hot? If you don't know who they are get the fuck out of here!).

"OMFG," I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (I fucking hate that bitch) and CMM in A Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Lupin shouted at us but he stopped 'cause everyone was clapping because of how sexy we looked together. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmeade right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went together.


	17. Chapter 16: Going Mainstream? OMFG

**Chapter 16: You know what? Shut up, ok! Prove to me you're not preps! Raven you suck, you fucking bitch, give me back my fucking sweater! You're supposed to write this! Raven what the fuck, you bitch, you're supposed to do this! By the way, fangs to britney5655 for teaching me Japanese!**

We ran happily to Hogsmeade. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happily. MCR were there, playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in the pictures. Even Draco thought so. I could totally see him getting an erection, but it didn't matter, 'cause I knew know that we were the only true ones for each other.

I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platform boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants.

Anyway, we started moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up to the front, where the band was going to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was… Voldemort and the Death Dealers!

"What the fuck, Draco, I'm not going to a concert with you!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if it's MCR, and you know how much I like them."

"What cause we…you know…" he fidgeted uncomfortably, 'cause guys don't like to talk about you-know-what.

"Yeah, 'cause we you know!" I yelled in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again," Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG! What the fuck? Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess you're a prep or a Christina or what now?"

"NO," he muttered loudly.

"Are you becoming a prep or what?" I shouted angrily.

"Ebony! I'm not! Please come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'The World Is Black' by GC to me. I was flattered 'cause that's not even a single, he had memorized the lyrics just for me!

"Okay, then. I guess I will have to," I said, and then we frenched for a while, and I went up to my room. B'loody Mary was standing there.

"Hajimemashite, girl," she said happily (she speaks Japanese. So do I. That means 'how do you do' in Japanese). "By the way, Willow (that fucking poser) got expelled. she failed all her classes and she skipped math." (AN: RAVEN YOU FUCKING SUCK! FUCK YOU!)

"It serves that fucking bitch right." I laughed angrily.

Well, anyway, we where feeling all depressed. We watched some goffik movies, like The Nightmare Before Christmas.

"Maybe Willow will die too," I said.

"Kawaii," B'loody Mary shook her head energetically. "Oh, yeah, I have a confession. After she got expelled, I murdered her, and then Lupin did it with her 'cause he's a necrophiliac."

"Kawaii," I commented happily. We talked to each other in silence for the rest of the movie.

"Oh, hey, by the way, I'm going to a concert with Draco tonight in Hogsmeade with MCR," I said. " I need to wear, like, the hottest outfit EVER."

B'loody Mary nodded energetically. "Oh my fucking God! Totally! Let's go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my special Hot Topic Loyalty card.

"No." My head snapped up.

"WHAT?" my head spun. I could not believe it. "B'loody Mary… are you a PREP?"

"NOOOO! NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffik stores near Hogwarts, that's all."

"Who told you abut them?" I asked, sure it would be Draco, Diablo, or Vampire(don't even SAY that name to me!). Or me.

"Dumbledore," She said. "Let me just call our brooms."

"Oh my fucking God! Dumbledore?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah. I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk," She told me. "Come on, let's go."

We were going in a few punk/Goff stores ESPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD, EXCEPT NOT, 'CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

He gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for the real goffs."

"The real goffs?" B'loody Mary and I asked.

"Yeah. You wouldn't believe how many posers there are in this town, man! Yesterday, Lupin and Snape tried to buy a goffik camera pouch." He shook his head. "I didn't even know they had a camera."

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! NO! THEY'RE GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my Satan, you have to buy that outfit!" The salesperson said.

"Yeah, it looks totally hot," said B'loody Mary.

"You know what? I am gonna give it to you free, 'cause you look really hot in that outfit. Hey, are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah, I am, actually." I looked back at him. "Hey, by the way, my name's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way. What's yours?"

"Tom Rid." He said, and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah, I don't think so, 'cause I am going there with my boyfriend Draco, you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hagrid flew in on his black broom looking worried.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! EBONY, YOU NEED TO GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE, NOW!"

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**Editor's note**: So, here's the whole chapter. I didn't notice most of it was missing. Epic fail on my part. -_- Forgive me?


	18. Chapter 17: Neville? Really?

**Chapter 17: I said stop flaming the story! If you're a prep then don't read it! You can tell whether you're a prep or not by my quiz. It's on my homepage. If you're not then you rock. If you are, then FUUUUCK OFFFFFFFFFF! Please, Willow isn't really a prep. Raven please do this! I promise to give you back your poster!**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes and stuff for free. He said he would help us with makeup if we wanted, 'cause he was really into fashion and stuff (he's bisexual). Hagrid kept shouting at us to come back to Hogwarts.

"What the fuck, Hagrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off, you fucking bastard."

Well, anyway, Willow came. Hagrid went away angrily.

"Hey bitch. You look kawaii," she said.

"Yeah, but not as kawaii as you," I answered sadly, 'cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a black blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black pointy boots that showed off how pale she was. She had a really nice body with big boobs and everything. She was thin enough to be anorexic.

"So are you going to the concert with Draco?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said happily.

"I'm going with Diablo," she answered happily.

Well, anyway, Draco and Diablo came. They were both looking extremely hot and sexy and you could tell they thought we were hot to. Diablo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it.

He was wearing tons of makeup just like Marilyn Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from the Warped tour. B'loody Mary was going to the concert with Dracula. Dracula's name used to be Neville, but it turned out that he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They died in a car crash. Neville converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slytherin now. He was wearing a black Warped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair with red streaks in it. We call him Dracula now. Well anyway we all went to Draco's black Mercy-Benz (geddit 'cause we're goffik) that his dad Lucius gave him.

We did pot, coke and crack. Draco and I made out. We made fun of those stupid fucking preps.

We soon got there…Gerard was the sexiest guy ever! He looked even sexier then he did in pictures. He had long raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. He was really skinny and he had an amazing gothic voice. We moshed to Helena and some other songs. Suddenly Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the other members. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man with no nose and red eyes...

Everyone ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was…Voldemort and the Death Dealers!

"You moronic idiots!" he shouted angrily. "Ebony, I told thou to kill Vampire. Thou hast failed. And now…I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No, no please!" We begged sadly, but he took out his wand. A gothic old man flew in on his broomstick. He had long black hair and a long black beard. He was wearing a black robe that said 'Avril Lavigne' on the back. He shot a spell and Voldemort ran away. It was… DUMBLEDORE!

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**Editor's note:** Yeah. No comment. And I don't want to know how she could tell they thought she was hot. I honestly don't. And if you're wondering, I left it 'death dealers' for shits and giggles:P


	19. Chapter 18: Dumbledore is a poser!

**Chapter 18: I SAID STOP FLAMING! If you do, then you're a fucking prep! Fangs to Raven for the help and stuff. You rock! And you're not a prep. Fangs for my sweater! PS: The other reason Dumbledore swore is 'cause he's trying to be goffik, so there!**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eye shadow, blood-red lipstick and a black, really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.(The night before, Draco and I went back to the skull (geddit skull 'cause I'm goffik and I like death). Dumbledore chased Voldemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR broom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.

Well, anyway, I went down to the Great Hall. There, all the walls were painted black and the tables were black too. But you could see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were posters of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. "What the fuck?" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow.

B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Charlotte t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic black dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to her thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot," Neville was saying. Suddenly, a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Voldemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had dyed his hair black.

"…DUMBLEDORE?" We all gasped.

"What the fuck?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Voldemort!"

"Hello everyone," he said happily. "As you can see, I gave the room a makeover. What do you think about it?" Everyone from the poser table in Gryffindor started to cheer. Well, we goths just looked at each other all disgusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was! "By the way, you can call me Albert," he called as we left to our classes. "What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we went to Transfiguration. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way like Gerard), but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's having a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. I was so fucking angry.

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**Editor's note: **The Backstreet Boys? Say what? How are they poser? Aren't they 90s pop? Isn't Dumbledore like 150?lD And no, Tara, your 'geddits' are not funny.


	20. Chapter 19: I'm Not Okay, I Promise

**Chapter 19: I'm Not Okay, I Promise **

**AN: Please stop flaming the story. If you do, you're a fucking prep and you're jealous, okay! From now on I'm going to delete your mean reviews! By the way, everyone's a pureblood so there! Fangs to Raven for the help!**

All day we sat angrily thinking about Dumbledore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- the MCR concert. It had been postponed, so we could all go. I went to the common room sadly to cut classes.

Draco was being all secretive. I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (aren't sensitive bi guys so hot). "No one fucking understands me!" he shouted angrily as his black hair went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Broken Dreams. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit instead of tie 'cause I'm goffik)

I was wearing a black leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it and a black leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly thing. My hair was all up in a messy, really high bun like Amy Lee in Going Under. (email me if you wanna see the picture)

"Excuse me? What about me!" I growled.

"But-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he yelled, but it was to late. I knew what I heard. I ran to the bathroom angrily, crying. Draco banged on the door. I wept and wept as my bloody eyeliner streamed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Boys (Raven that is so our video!).

I took out a cigarette and started to smoke. Hagrid came. He had apparated.

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily, dropping my pot. "What the fuck do you think you're doing in the girl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hagrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it to be Tom Riddle or maybe Draco, but it was Dumbledore. "Hey. I need to ask you a question," he said, pulling out his black wannabe-goffik purse. "What are you wearing to the concert?"

"You know who MCR are!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert that a lot of goths and punks were going to," He said. "Anyway, Draco has a surprise for you."

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**Editor's note:** And why- you know, I'd like to see Tom Felton look like Billie Joe.^_^U


	21. Chapter 20: SnapeLupin WTF

**Chapter 20: I said I don't care what you think! Stop flaming, okay, preps! Fangs to Raven for the help! Oh yeah. By the way, I'll be on vacation in Transylvania for the next 3 days so don't expect updates.**

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I put on a black leather mini, a black corset with purple lace stuff all over it, and black gothic combat boots. MCR were going to do the concert again, since Voldemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed to MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on some black clothes and moshing to Fang you for the Venom. I got all mad and turned it off, but secretly I hoped inside that it was Draco so we could do it again. "What the fucking hell are you doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Lupin! "Are you gonna come rape me or what?" I yelled. I was allowed to say that because Dumbledore had told us all to be careful around him and Snape since he was a pedophile.

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) can I please borrow some condoms," he growled angrily.

"Yeah, so you can fuck your six-year-old girlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarcastically.

"Fucker," he said, going anyway.

I put on some black eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Then I gasped….Snake and Lupin were in the middle of the empty hall, doing it, and Dobby was watching!

"Oh my God, you ludicrous idiot!" they both shouted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. They got up, though. Normally I would have been turned on (I love seeing guys do it), but both of them were fucking preps. (by the way, Snape was moved to Gryffindor now)

"What the fuck. Is that why you wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (see I spelled that)

Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lupin shouted angrily.

"Well, you should've told me." I replied.

"You dimwit!" Snape began to shout angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a picture of them. You could see that they were naked and everything.

"Well excuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was that all about?"

"It's to blackmail you." I snarled. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you can't fucking rat me out or I'll show this to Dumbledore. So fuck off, you bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and they tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"What the fuck? Where's Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh. He's being a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't come." Vampire said, shaking his head. "You wanna come with me? To the concert?" Then… he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his godfather Sirius Black had given it to him. The license plate on the front said MCR666 on it.

The one on the back said 'EBONY' on it.…

I flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, and I began to make out, moshing to the music. I gasped, looking at the band. I almost had an orgasm. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin to sing 'Helena' and his sexy beautiful voice began to fill the hall. …And then, I heard some crying. I turned and saw Draco, crying in a corner.

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**Editor's note: **I think she meant to spell sarcastically. Almost, right?

How does one make out and mosh _at the same time?_ Honestly, kids these days are just ಠ_ಠ


	22. Chapter 21: Draco, Stop Being Emo

**Chapter 21: Fuck you, okay! You fucking suck. It's not my fault if it's spelled wrong, okay, 'cause that bitch Raven was supposed to spell it. Fuck you preps! Woops so Raven fangs for the help. By the way, Transylvania rocks hard! I even got to go to the castle where Dracula was filmed!**

Later we all went in the school. Draco was crying in the common room.

"Draco are you okay?" I asked in a gothic voice.

"No I'm not, you fucking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He started to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I started to cry 'cause I was afraid he would commit suicide.

"Its ok, Ebony," said Vampire comfortingly. "I'll make him feel better."

"You mean you'll go fuck him, won't you!" I shouted angrily. Then I ran to get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pale face. I was so turned on 'cause I love sensitive bi guys. (if you're a homophobe then fuck off!)

And then… we heard some footsteps! Vampire got out his black invisibility cloak. We both got under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHO'S THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filch come. He went under the invisibility cloak and started to meow loudly. "IS ANYONE THERE?" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No, fuck you, you preppy little poser son of a fucking bitch!" Vampire said under his breath in a disgusted way.

"EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! WHO SAID THAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Then he heard Filch meow.

"Filch, is there anyone under the cloak?" he asked. Filch nodded. And then…Vampire frenched me! He did it just as… Mr. Norris was taking off the cloak!

"WHAT THE-" he yelled but it was too late, 'cause now we were running away from him. And then we saw Draco crying and bursting into tears and slitting his wrists outside of the school.

"Draco!" I cried. "Are you okay?"

"I guess so." Draco wept.

We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (see isn't that depressing) on the gothic red bed together. As I was about to put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knock on the door and Fudge and the Ministry of Magic walked into the school!

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**Editor's note:**…Yeah.

I wonder what would happen if Ms. Rowling saw this. And 'imma wiserd.' And all the other really, really bad fics out there. Or, rather, her reaction to it. (All of it.)

But it's kind of unavoidable, isn't it? If it's a book, there will be bad (really, really bad) Fanfiction for it.

Even the Bible. (Kill me now.)

And as a response to questions I've been asked: No one is sure if this is legit or the work of a brilliant (really, really brilliant) troll. I think that the author was serious.


	23. Chapter 22: CAPS LOCK OF DOOM

**Chapter 22: Shut the fuck up! Preps, stop flaming, okay, if you don't like it, fuck off! I know it's Mr. Norris! It's Raven's fault, okay! You suck! No, just kidding, Raven, you fucking rock! Preps suck!**

All day everyone talked about the Ministry of Magic.

Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing black lacey leather pajamas. Then in front of me where…

B'loody Mary, Vampire, Diablo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and black jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just like Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her cleavage with a white apron that said 'bitch' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once.

Darkness (who is Ginny) was there too. She was wearing a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Fred and George. It turns out that Darkness, Diablo, Fred and George's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Satanism.

"OMFG!" I yelled as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are you all here?"

"Ebony, something is really fucked up," Draco said.

"Okay, but I need to put my fucking clothes on first," I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. You're so fucking beautiful," Draco said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why you're being all secretive."

"I will, I will." he I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hall and looked in from a window. A fucking prep called Britney from Gryffindor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledore.

Cornelius Fudge was there shouting at Dumbledore. Dolores Umbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE DARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelius Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE HEADMASTER ANY LONGER!" yelled Umbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMER'S IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETIRE OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well," Dumbledore said angrily. "But we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." Draco, Fred, George, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.

* * *

**Editor's note**: ALLLL CAAAAPS RAAAAAAAGE

…

Yup. And I forgot to mention, She switched Mr. Filch and Mrs. Norris. Which I left, of course, for shits and giggles. And thanks to all you lovely reviewers and those who faved/alerted. I less-than-three y'all.


	24. Chapter 23: MARY SUE SEES TEH FUTURE

**Chapter 23: Shut the fuck up, bitches! You're just jealous 'cause I got 10,000 reviews! Fangs to Raven for the help and telling me about the books! Girl, you rock! Let's go shopping together!**

The door opened and Professor Umbridge and Cornelius Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledore and Umbridge saw us.

"MS. WAY! WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Umbridge shouted angrily.

Dumbledore glared at her.

"Oops! She made a mistake! She means, 'Hi, everybody! Come in!'" He corrected her.

Well, we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Fred and George started to make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I ate some Count Chocula and drank some blood from a cup. Then I heard someone shouting angrily.

I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shouting at each other.

"Vampire, Draco, what the fuck?" I asked.

"You fucking bastard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to sit next to her!"

"No, I do!" shouted Vampire.

"No, she doesn't fucking like you, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No! Fuck you, motherfucker, she loves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no, not in that way, you perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. I yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting…I stopped eating…

Everyone gasped. The room fell silent….Voldemort! "Ebony…Ebony…" Voldemort said evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou hath failed thy mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"

"Please, don't make me kill him please!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed cruelly. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling. I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to comfort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldemort coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I looked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony! Ebony, are you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah, yeah," I said sadly as I got up.

"Everything's all right, Ebony." said Vampire all sensitive.

"No, it's not!" I shouted angrily. Tears of blood went down my face. "OMFG! What if I'm getting possessed, like in The Ring 2?"

"It's okay, girl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe you should ask Professor Trelawney about what the visions mean though."

"Okay, bitch," I said sadly, and then we went.

* * *

**Editor's note: **Yup, 10,000 reviews by chapter 23. Not all that jealous, though, since most of the reviews were flames and trolls. And sorry, I've been with out internet and will be without internet next week, so no updates for you people ಠ_ಠ But I'll be working on this, 'cause I want to finish it before school starts.


	25. Chapter 24: A Bit of Pointlessness

**Chapter 24: Preps stop flaming the story! You're just jealous, so fuck you, okay, go to hell! Raven, fangs for the help!**

Well we had Deviation next, so I could ask Professor Trelawney about the visions. "Konnichiwa, minna-san, come in," said Professor Trelawney in Japanese. She smiled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's the coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes (her mom was a vampire. She's also half Japanese, so she speaks it and everything. She and B'loody Mary get along great).

She's really young for a teacher. Today she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress.

We went inside the black classroom with posters of Emily the Strange. I raised my hand. I was wearing some black nail polish with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey, I love your nail polish! where'd you get it, Hot Topic?"

"Yeah," I answered. All the preps who didn't know what Hot Topic was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some things. When do you want to do it?"

"How about now?" she asked.

"Okay," I said.

"Okay, class fucking dismissed, everyone," Professor Trelawney said, and she let everyone go. "Except for you, Britney." She pointed at Britney and some other preps.

"Please do exorcise (geddit) 1 on page 3."

"Okay, I'm having lots of visions," I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco going to be killed by Voldemort. She gave me a black crystal ball to look in. I looked into it.

"What do you see?" she asked. "I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather jacket, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and black Converse shoes. "Okay, you can go now, see ya cunt," said Professor Trelawney.

"Bye bitch," I said, waving. I went to Draco. Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so excited.

* * *

**Editor's note**: So, basically, nothing happens except a butchering of Professor Trelawney. And not to mention the irony, seeing as Hermione had repeatedly reminded Harry and Ron that Trelawney was bat shit crazy, and Trelawney wasn't so found of Hermione herself.

I also find myself wondering how exorcism is 'goffik', seeing as it is supposed to rid someone/thing of demons. All these horror movies *sigh*

**Konnichiwa**- hello **minna-san**-everyone/body


	26. Chapter 25: Blood Drugs Sex Magik

**Chapter 25: Stop flaming, okay, if you don't, then I'll tell Justin to beat you up! And I'll tell all the nerds to put viruses in your computer! FUCK YOU! Raven, fangs for the help!**

I was so excited. I followed Draco, wondering if we where going to do it again. We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car. "Ebony, what the fuck did Professor Trelawney say?" whispered Draco, putting his gothic white hand with black nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant tomorrow," I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me/And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me," sang Gerard in his sexy voice.

We started tiling off each other's cloves fervently. He took of my black thong and my black leather bra. I took off his black boxers. Then… he put his throbbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. "OMFG Draco! Draco!" I screamed having an orgasm. We stated frenching passionately. Suddenly… I fell asleep.

I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. "No! Please don't fucking kill us!" They pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

"No! Oh my fucking God!" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony! What's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up, opening my icy blue eyes. I started to cry, and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his black Linkin Park mobile. But the worst thing was who the people who were shot in the dream… Lucius and Sirius!

* * *

**Editor's note**: I'm not sure what she meant by 'spork.' I don't have experience with drugs, sorry. And as for "we started tiling off each other's cloves fervently," I don't really know either (I try to stay away from porn). Yenno, I think there's way too much porn here. I mean, there are freaking twelve-year-olds reading and writing porn (writing very bad porn, but porn nevertheless). I find something wrong with that.

And it's really funny how she keeps changing everyone's eye color. (ABRUPT TOPIC CHANGE LOL) Annnnnd I couldn't help referencing Red Hot Chili Peppers. Just don't kill me.


	27. Chapter 26: Up In A Tree

**Chapter 26: PREPS STOP FLAMING THE STORY, OKAY! If you don't like the story, then go fuck yourself, you fucking prep! YOU SUCK! Oh yeah, I wasn't being racist, okay!**

A few minutes later, Vampire came to the tree. He was wearing a black leather jacket, black leather pants, and a Good Charlotte t-shirt. "Hi Vampire," I said, flirty, as I started to sob. Draco hugged me sexily, trying to comfort me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

"Oh, fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that?"

"I don't know," I said. "Now come on, we have to tell Dumbledore." We ran out of the tree and into the castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wiped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dream."

Dumbledore started to cackle. "Hahahaha! And how do you expect me to know Ebony's not delusional?" I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker," I said angrily as Dumbledore gasped (see, is that out of character?). "You know very well that I'm not delusional. Now get some fucking people out there to look for Sirius and Lucius- pronto!"

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice.

"Were are they?" I fought about it. Then all of a sudden… "London," I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few minutes, he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while, someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together.

I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other's gothic, depressed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Sirius and Lucius came in on stretchers… and Professor Trelawney was behind them!

* * *

**Editor's note**: Not sure why they're in a tree… I thought they were in Draco's car lol


	28. Chapter 27: Vampires Will Never Hurt You

**Chapter 27: Vampires Will Never Hurt You**

**AN: You know what? I don't give a fuck what you preps think about me! So stop flaming the fucking story, bitches! Fangs to Raven for your love and support and help! I love you girl! Sorry I couldn't update lol. I was really depressed and I slit my wrists. I had to go to the hospital. Raven you rock, girl!**

Everyone in the room started to cry happily- I had saved them. Draco, Lucius, Sirius, and Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on, Ebony," said Professor Trelawney. She was wearing a gothic black leather dress with a corset top and real vampire blood on it and fucking black platinum boots.

"I have to tell you about the fucking prediction." I looked at Lucian, Sirius, Draco and Vampire. They nodded. I smiled happily and went into a dark room. Professor Trelawney took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crystal ball. She said… "Tara, I see dark times are near," she said, sadly. She peered into the balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Turner like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemort was in Hogwarts, before he became powerful, he got his hearth broken. Now do you think he would still become Voldemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. "You must go back in time and seduce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil, then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay," I said sadly. We did Death's Touch Sign. I went outside again sadly.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Bloody Mary. I was about to tell them but everyone was there. They were celebrating Lucius and Sirius being found. Everyone was proud of me, but I jut wanted to talk to Draco. They were cheering my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumbledore.

A banner was put up. Lots of fucking preps were there (obviously trying to be goffik) wearing the HIM sign on their hands- despite them not having actually heard of HIM. Even Mr. Norris looked happy. A black and red cake had been brought out. Fred and George set up some fireworks in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Wizard Wises. I put on my Invisibility cloak with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside together.

* * *

**Editor's note**: I press on, despite my quest becoming increasingly difficult…


	29. Chapter 28: Goffik Porn

**Chapter 28: I said stop flaming the story! It was a mistake when Professor Trelawney said that, okay! GO TO FUCKING HELL! YOU SUCK! Fangs to fily for the help! Raven, have fun with kiwi!**

We went into a black room. The walls were black with portraits of gothic bands like MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red velvet lined the black coffin. There were three chairs made of bones with real skulls in them. I was wearing a black corset bra with purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a black leather thong underneath. I sat down one of the chairs. So did Draco and Vampire."Are you okay?" Vampire asked potting his alabaster hand on mine.

He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing black nail polish with red crosses on it. "Yeah, I guess," I said sadly. Drako also put his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my black lipstick.

"The problem is… I have to seduce Voldemort. I'll have to go back in time." Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him.

"It's okay, Ebony," he said finally. "But what about me? You're not gonna break up with me or anything, are you?"

"Of course not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure."

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us… I took off Draco's MCR shirt and seductively took off his pants.

He was hung like a Stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo with one that said 'Ebony' on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He looked exactly like Gerard Way. Vampire took a video camera. (I had said it was okay before). I took off my clothes. Then we were in for the ride of our lives. We started frenching as we climbed into the coffin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

"I love you, Ebony. Oh let me feel you I need to feel you," he screamed as I got an orgasm. Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly…

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" It was… Snape and Professor McGonagall!

* * *

**Editor's note**: What is it with you people and porn?


	30. Chapter 29: Screaming and Crying

**Chapter 29: Shut the fuck up! You're just jealous 'cause you're preps, so fuck you! Raven, you rock girl! Fangs for the help! MCR ROCKS! 666!**

"Oh my Satan!" We screamed as we jumped out of the coffin. Snape and Professor McGonagall started to shout at us angrily.

"COME NOW!" Professor McGonagall yelled. We did, guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snape grabbed the camera and put it in his pocket.

"Hey! What the fuck?" Vampire shouted angrily.

"Yeah, buster, what the fuck are you going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demanded all protective, looking at me longingly with his gothic red eyes. "Look, Dumbledore knows your little secret, and if you do this again, you will go to St Mungo's. So give back the camera!"

"Hahahaha! The Ministry of Magic thinks he is crazy! There is no way they will believe him," Snape laughed meanly.

"Yes, so shut your mouths, you insolent fools!" yelled Professor McGonagall. She made us go into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these weird tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit 'cause he's a sexbomb lol. Tom Felton rules for life, but not as much as Gerard! You're sex on legs! I love you! You fucking rock, marry me!).

I started to cry tears of blood (it happens in Vampire Chronicles! Raven said so, okay, so fuck you!). Vampire took out a black handkerchief and started to wipe my red tears, then… he and Snape both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. The bullets didn't hit anyone. I took out my wand.

"Crucio!" I shouted. Snape stated to scream. He dropped the gun, but it was too late. Both of them had run out of bullets. I stopped the curse.

Professor McGonagall did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Then she said, "Okay, Severus, I'm going to go now." She left. Snape started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

* * *

**Editor's note**: Oh, she left us another _epic cliffhanger_… Ladies and gentlemen, please, for the love of God, don't spontaneously combust from anticipation.


	31. Chapter 30: Snape Rape

**Chapter 30: Stop flaming the story, okay, you don't know what's even gonna happen, okay! So FUCK YOU! if you flame, you will be a prep, so all flamers can kiss my ass! Sorry for saying Alzheimer's is dangerous, but that's the Ministry's opinion, 'cause society basically sucks. Fangs to Raven! You rock, bitch!**

"No!" we screamed sadly. Snap started laughing meanly. He took out a camera evilly. Then… he came towards Draco! He took some stones out of his pocket. He put the stones around Draco and lit a candle.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I shouted angrily. Snape laughed meanly. He pulled down his pants.

I gasped- there was a Dark Mark on his you-know-what! He waved his wand and a knife came. He gave the knife to me. "You must stab Vampire," he said to me. "If you don't, then I'll rape Draco!"

"No, you fucking bastard!" I yelled. Then Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He looked exactly like a pentagram (lol geddit 'cause I'm a Satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so sexy too, with his goffik black hair.

I thought of the time when we screwed, and the time I did it with Draco and Dumbledore came, and the time where Draco almost committed suicide and Vampire was so...

Snape laughed meanly. He started to pray to Voldemort. He started to do an incantation, dancing around the stones whipping Draco and Vampire. Suddenly I had an idea. I closed my eyes, and using my vampire powers, I sent a telepathic massage to Draco and Vampire so they would distract Snape.

"Dumbledore will get you!" Draco shouted.

"Yeah! Just wait until the Ministry finds out!" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile, I took out my wand.

"You ridiculous dunderhead!" Snape yelled. He took off all of Draco's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him…

"Crucio!" I shouted, pointing my wand.

Snape screamed, and started running around the room screaming. Meanwhile, I grabbed my black mobile and sent a text to Sirius. I stopped doing Crucio.

"You dunderhead! I'm going to kill-" shouted Snape, but suddenly Sirius put the whip behind his back. "Oh hello, I was just teaching them something," he lied. But suddenly Lucius and Professor Trelawney came into the room, and they and Sirius unlocked the chains and put them around Snape. Then Professor Trelawney said, "Come on, Ebony, let's go."

* * *

**Editor's note**: This is starting to sound like a really bizarre soap opera. And now for some good news: We've hit the big three oh! My Immortal For Dummies is fast approaching its close...


	32. Chapter 31: Going Back In Time

**Chapter 31: I said shut the fuck up, you quiephs! stop calling Ebony a Mary Sue, okay, you don't even know what's going to happen, okay, so fuck you! Fangs to my bff Raven for the help!**

"I always knew you were on Voldemort's side, you son of a bitca (Buffy rocks!)," Sirius said to Snape.

"No, I'm not! I was teaching them something!" Snape claimed.

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some black Voldemortserum out of my pocket and gave it to Sirius. He made Snape drink it.

He did, angrily. Then Lucius took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snape. Then Professor Trelawney and Lucius made us leave with them while Snape told his secrets. Lucius took Vampire and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a million times. Professor Trelawney took me to a dark room.

Now I was going to go back in time to seduce Voldemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nirvana were all over. Hermione, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a black bag from Tom Rid's store. "What's in the bag?" I asked Professor Trelawney.

"You will see," she said. I opened the bag. In it was a sexy, tight, low-cut, black leather gothic dress.

It had red corset stuff and there was a silt up the leg. I put it on. My friends helped me put on black fishnets and black pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blood-red lipshtick."You look fucking kawaii, bitch," B'loody Mary said.

"Fangs," I said.

"Okay, now you're going to go back in time," said Professor Trelawney. "You will have to do it in a few sessions." She gave me a black gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnets like in Resident Evil. Then she gave me a black Time-Turner. "After an hour, use the Time-Turner to come back," Professor Trelawney said.

Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensieve in front of me. Everyone went in front of it."Good luck!" Everyone shouted. Darkness and Willow gave me Death's Touch Sign. Then… I jumped sexily into the Pensieve.

I was in front of the school. In front of me was one of the sexiest goth guys I had ever seen. He was wearing long black hair, kind of like Mikey Way, only black. He had green eyes like Billie Joe Armstrong and pale whit skin. He was wearing a black ripped up suit with Vans. It was… Tom Bombodil!

* * *

**Editor's note**: I'm going to assume she was reading The Hobbit. And not quite sure why she needed the Pensieve if she had a Time-Turner… some things are better left unasked, I suppose.


	33. Chapter 32: 80s Fail

**Chapter 32: I said stop flaming! I know his name isn't Tom Bombodil! That was a mistake! If you don't like the story, then you can go screw yourself! YOU SUCK!**

"Hi," I said, flirtly. "I'm Ebony Way, the new student." I shook my pale hand (with black nail polish) with him.

"The name's Tom," he said. "But you can call me Satan. That's my middle name."

We shook hands. "Well, come on, we have to go upstairs," Satan said. I followed him.

"Hey Satan… do you happen to be a fan of Green Day?" (since MCR and Evanesance don't exist yet) I asked.

"Oh my fucking God, how did you know?" Satan gasped. "Actually, I like GC a lot, too."(geddit, 'cause GC did that song 'I Just Wanna Live' that sounded really 80s)

"OMG! Me too!" I replied happily.

"Guess what! They're having a concert in Hogsment," Satan whispered.

"Hogsment?" I asked.

"Yeah. That's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000," he told me, all secretive. "and there's a really cool shop called Hot-"

"Topic!" I finished, happily. Satan frowned, confused.

"No, it's called Hot Issue." He smiled again. "Then in 1998, They changed it to Hot Topic," he moaned.

"Ohh." Now everything was making sense for me. "So is Dumbledore your headmaster?" I shouted.

"Uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "I'm in Slytherin."

"OMFG! ME TOO!" I shrieked.

"You go to this skull?"(geddit 'cause I'm goffik) He asked.

"Yeah. That's why I'm here. I'm NEW." I smiled.

Dumbledore flew in on his broomstick and started shouting at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from American Eagle Outfitters.

* * *

**Editor's note**: Green Day formed in the late 80s. They hardly _count_. And 'I Just Wanna Live'... not really. And I don't know how she could _not _know bands from the 80s: AC/DC, Dio, Bon Jovi, Poison, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, KISS, Motley Crue, Quiet Riot, U2, Whitesnake… yeah, I think you get it. She should at least have heard of KISS.


	34. Chapter 33: idek what this is don't ask

**Chapter 33: ****AN: I said shut up! It's not my fault, ok, if you don't like the story, then you're a prep! So fuck you, flamers! PS: I'm not updating until you give me five good reviews and this time I mean it! YOU SUCK! Fangs, Raven, for the help. I promise to help you with your story lolz. **

"Oh my fucking God!" I shouted sadly. "Should we get you to St Mungo's, bitch?"

"Hell no!" She said. "Listen, Ebony, I need your help. Next time you go back in time, do you think you could ask Tom Riddle for some help?"

"Sure," I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there! He was wearing a big black GC t-shirt, which was his pajamas.

"Hey Sexy," I said.

"How'd it go, Ebony?" He asked. His voice was so sexy and low, kind of like Gerard Way when he's talking.

"Fine," I responded. We started to go back into the dormitory.

"How far did you go with Satan?" Draco asked, jealously.

"Not too far, lol," I barked.

"Will you have to do it with him?" Draco asked, angsty.

"I hope not too far!" I shouted angrily. Then I felt bad for shouting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

"What happened to Snape?" I growled.

"You will see." Draco giggled mischievously. He opened a door…Snape and Lupin was there! Sirius was poking them by stabbing them with a black knife.

"NOOOO PLEASE!" Lupin begged, as Sirius started to suck his blood. I laughed sadistically. I took some photos of him and Snap being tortured. (okay, I know this is mean, but think about it, people! They are pedophiles, and Snape tried to rape them, and anyway, sadists rock! Has anyone seen Shark Attack 3? lolz). We took some of Snape's blood, then Draco and I went back to our rooms.

We sat on my goffik black coffin. My clothes were kind of dirty so I put on a black leather outfit thingy, kind of like the one Selene has in Underworld. (if you haven't heard of it, then FUCK YOU!) . I put on some black platform high heels. Draco put on 'Desolation Livers' by MCR. Then… we started to take off each others' clothes. I took off his shirt, and he had a six-pack, lolz. We started to make out like in The Grudge. He put his wetness in my you-know-what sexily. I gut an orgasm.

"Oh! Draco! Oh my fucking God! Draco!" I screamed passively as he got an erection.

"I love you, Ebony," he whispered sexily, and then we fell asleep, lol.

* * *

**Editor's note**: Random question: Which is your favorite infamous fic: My Immortal, My Inner Life, legolas by laura, or imma wiserd?


	35. Chapter 34: Going Back Again

**Chapter 34: AN: SHUT THE FUCK UP, PREPS! Have you even read the story? You are probably all just preps and posers, so FUCK YOU! Fangs to Raven for the help!**

I woke up in my coffin the next day. Draco was gone. I got up and put on a black, tight sexy dress that was all ripped at the end. There was red corset stuff going up the front and the back. It came up to my knees. There was a slit in the dress, like in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I put on ripped black fishnets and black stiletto boots. Suddenly… Sirius knocked on the door. I opened it.

"Hi, Ebony," he said. "Guess what? You have to come to Professor Trelawney's office."

"Okay," I said in a depressed voice. I had wanted to fuck Draco, or maybe listen to MCR or Evanesance. I came anyway.

"So what the fuck happened to Snape and Lupin?" I asked Sirius, flirty.

"I fucking tortured them," he answered in a sadistic way. "They are in Azkaban now, lol."

I laughed (evilly).

"Where are Draco and Vampire?" I muttered.

"They are excused from school day," Sirius moaned (sexily). "Right now they are watching The Nightmare Before Christmas."

We went into the office. Professor Trelawney was there. She was wearing a goffik black dress that was all ripped all over, kind of like the one Amy Lee wears in this picture. She was drinking some Voldemortserum.

She took out the Pensive and the Time-Turner.

"Ebony, you will have to do another session now. Also, I need you to get me the cure for being addicted," she said, sadly. "Good luck. Fangs!"

And then… I jumped into the Pensive again.

Suddenly I looked around… I was in the Great Hall, eating Count Chocula. It was morning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall goffik man with long black hair, pale skin, and blue eyes, wearing a suit and black Converse shoes. He looked just like Marilyn Manson. I noticed… he was drinking a potion.

"Who's he?" I asked.

"Oh, that's Professor Slughorn," Satan said. "He's the Potions teacher… Ebony?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Did you know that Marilyn Mason is playing in Hogsmeade tonight? And they are showing The Exorcist at the movies before that."

"Yeah?"

"Well… want to go to the concert and the movie with me?"

* * *

**Editor's note**: Most of chapter 15 was missing, but I fixed that. If you haven't already, go look at it. Or not. Your choice.


	36. Chapter 35: Ghost Of You

**Chapter 35: Ghost Of You **

**AN: Fangs to suzi for the idea! You rock! Fuck off, preps! Fangs to Raven for the help! You rock, girl! PS: I'm going to end the story really soon, so FUCK YOU! Oh yeah, and if you know any goffik names, please tell me, 'cause I need one for Sirius! Fangs. **

I went into the Common Room, thinking of Satan. Suddenly, I gasped… Draco was there!

I gasped. He looked as hot as ever, wearing black leather pants, a black Linkin Park t-shirt, and black eyeliner.

"Draco, what the fuck are you doing?" I gasped.

"Huh?" He asked. Then I remembered. It wasn't Draco. It was Lucius! He still had two arms.

"Oh, hi, Lucius!" I said. "I'm Ebony, the new student, lol." We shook hands.

"Yeah, Satan told me about you," Lucius said. He pointed to a group of sexy goffik guys. They were sitting in a corner cutting. It was Sirius, Vampire's dad and…Snape! All of them were wearing black eyeliner and black Good Charlotte band shirts. "Listen, I'm in a goth band with those guys," he said. "We're playing tonight at the Marilyn Mason show as back-up."

"Oh, really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "We're called XBlackXTearX. I play the guitar, Sirius plays the drums," he said, pointing to him. "Snape plays the bass. And James plays the guitar too, though we call him Samaro, after Samara in The Ring."

"Hey, bastards," I told them. They gave me Death's Touch Sign. Suddenly, I gasped again. "But don't you have a lead singer?" I asked. Lucius looked down sadly.

"We used to, but she died. She committed suicide by slitting her wrists."

"Oh my fucking God! That's so fucking sad!" I gasped.

"It's okay, but we need a new lead singer," Samaro said.

"Well…" I said, "I'm in a band myself."

"Really?" asked Snape. I couldn't believe it. He used to be goffik!

"Yeah. We're called Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Do you wanna hear me sing?"

"Yeah," said everyone. So the guys took out their guitars. They began to play a song bi (geddit, 'cause bi guys are so sexy!) Green Day.

"I walk this empty street, on the boulevard of broken dreams," I sang (sexily) (I don't own the lyrics to that song).. Everyone gasped.

"Ebony? Will you join the band? Please!" begged Lucius, Samaro, Sirius and Snape.

"Um… okay." I shrugged. "Are we going to play tonight?"

"Yeah," they said.

"Okay," I said, but I knew that I had to get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I could go forward in time. Suddenly, someone jumped in front of me. It was… Marty McFly! He was wearing a black band t-shirt and blak baggy jeans.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked.

"I will help you go forward in time, Ebony," he said, seriously. Then… he took out a black time machine. I went into it and… suddenly, I was forward in time!

* * *

**Editor's note**: Marty… McFly. She brought Marty McFly into this… this _mess_. I have nothing to say.


	37. Chapter 36: CAPS LOCK OF DOOM 2

**Chapter 36: AN: I said stop flaming, okay! I bet you are all probably seventy-year-olds! PS: POTTERSUES, YOU'RE A PREP! Oh, yeah, and fangs to Raven for the help! Have fun in England, girl! **

I looked around, in a depressed way. Suddenly, I saw Professor Trelawney. B'loody Mary, Sirius, Draco, Vampire, and Willow were there too.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Sirius, I saw you and Samaro and Snape and everyone! I can't believe Snape used to be goffik!"

"Yeah, I know," Sirius said, sadly.

"Oh, hey there, bitch," Professor Trelawney said (in an emo voice) drinking some Voldemortserum.

Hi, fucker," I said. "Listen, Satan asked me out to a goffik concert and a movie, so I need a sexy new outfit for the date. Also, I'm playing in a gothic band, so I need an outfit for that too."

"Oh my Satan!" (geddit, lolz, 'cause she's goffik) Gasped B'loody Mary. "Want go to Hot Topic to shop for your outfit?"

"OH MY FUCKING SATAN, let's have a group cutting session!" Said Professor Trelawney.

"I can't fucking wait for that, but we need to get some stuff first," said Willow.

"Yeah, we need some potions for Professor Trelawney so she won't be addicted to Voldemortserum anymore, and also… some love potion for Ebony," Draco said, reluctantly.

"Well, we have potions class now," Willow said, "So let's go."

We went (sexily) to Potions class. But Snape wasn't there. Instead it was… Cornelius Fudge!

"Hey, where the fuck is Dumbledore?" Draco shouted angrily.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" shouted Cornelius Fudge. "He is in Azkaban now, with Snape and Lupin. He is old, and weak, and he has cancer. Now do your work!"

My friends and I talked angrily.

"Can you BELIEVE Snape used to be goffik?" Vampire asked, surprised.

"THAT'S IT!" Cornelius Fudge shouted angrily. "I"M GETTING PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE!"

He stomped out angrily.

My friends and I began talking again. I began to drink some blood mixed with beer. Suddenly I saw Hagrid in the cupboard.

"What the fuck is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He was wearing tons of eyeliner and he looked sexier then ever. Suddenly…"HAGRID, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" He shouted.

I looked around… Hagrid was putting something in my glass of blood! Draco and Vampire started to beat him up (sexily).

"God! You are such a poser!" I shouted at Hagrid. Suddenly I looked at what he was putting in the blood. It was… Amnesia Potion!

* * *

**Editor's note**: La la la… hey guys, you know what I'm doing? I'm watching Star Wars: Episode V! Isn't that exciting? Ha ha ha, I'm such a nerd.


	38. Chapter 37: Suddenly, Everyone Came

**Chapter 37: AN: OKAY, EVERYBODY, I'M GOING ON VACATION ON THE FIRST OF JULY, SO I'M EITHER GONNA END THE FIC OR UPDATE IT IN A FEW WEEKS. Fangs! Oh, yeah, and preps, stop flaming the story! Raven, fangs for the help! See ya, girl, after vacation! **

{DRACO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL}

Vampire and I chained Hagrid to the floor.

"Oh my fucking Satan!" Ebony said. She was so hot. "Maybe I could use Amnesia Potion to make Satan fall in love with me faster!"

"But you are so sexy and wonderful already, Tara," said Vampire. "Why would you need it?"

"To make everything go faster, lol," said Ebony.

"But you won't have to do it with him or anything, will you?" I asked, jealous.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! You guys are so scary!" said Britney, a fucking prep.

"Shut the fuck up!" Said Willow.

"Okay, well, anyway, let's go to Professor Trelawney's room."

Vampire, Ebony and I went to Professor Trelawney's room. But Professor Trelawney wasn't there. Instead, Tom Rid was.

"Oh, hi fuckers," he said. "Listen, I got you some cool new clothes."

I took the clothes from the bag. It was a goffik black leather miniskirt that said '666' on the back, black stiletto boots, blood red fishnets and a black corset.

"Oh my God, fangs!" I said, hugging him in a gothic way. I took the clothes in the bag.

"Okay, Professor Trelawney isn't here, what the fuck should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly, he looked at a sign on the black wall.

"Oh my fucking Satan!" I screamed as I read it. On it said: 'Everyone, Professor Trelawney is away. She is too goffik, and she is in Azkaban now. Classes shall be taught by Dumbledore, who is back but he shall not be headmaster for now. Sincerely, Professor Umbridge.'

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I shouted angrily. "How could they do that?"

Suddenly, Dumbledore came.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DONG IN MY OFFICE?" He began to shout angrily. Suddenly, I saw Marty McFly's black time machine! I jumped (seductively) into it, leaving Draco and Vampire. Suddenly I was back in time! I looked around. It was… Professor Slughorn's office! I snuck around. Suddenly, I saw the amnesia potion on his desk. It was black, with blood-red pentagrams in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my pocket. Suddenly, the door opened. It was… Professor Slughorn!

"Oh my God! What are you doing, fucker?" He shouted angrily.

"Oh, sorry, I was just looking around 'cause I thought it was class," I said, finally, hoping he couldn't see the potion in my pocket.

"Oh. Okay, you can go now," said Professor Slughorn.

I went to the common room after putting on my clothes. Sirius, Samaro and Snape were there, practicing 'Vampires Will Never Hurt You' by MCR.

"Oh, hi, you guys," I said (seductively). "Where's Satan?"

"Oh, he's coming," said Sirius. "By the way, you can call me Hades now."

Suddenly, Satan came. He was wearing a sexy black leather jacket, black Converse shoes, a Slipknot t-shirt, and a black tie.

"Okay, I will see you guys at the concert," I said, and then I went with Satan.

* * *

**Editor's note**: This fic has badly scrambled my (incredibly brilliant) brains. I mean, her writing skills are an English teacher's nightmare, and seem to get worse as it goes on. D:


	39. Ch 38: DING, DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD

**Chapter 38: AN: What does everyone think if I end the story, and then I add some more to it after vacation? Oh, yeah, and preps! Stop flaming! If you don't like the story, then take my quiz, okay! Then you will see if you're goffik or not! **

Satan and I walked to his car. It was a black car, with pentagrams all over it. On the license plate, it said 666, just like Draco's car. I went in it seductively. Satan started to drive. We talked about Satanism (lolz, he was named after Satan), cutting, music and being goffik.

"Oh my Satan, Gerard is so fucking hot!" Satan agreed as we smoked weed. ('cause bi guys are hot. They are so sensitive! I love them! Lol *goes and fucks a bi guy*)

"Lol, I totally decided not to commit suicide when I heard Helena," I said in a flirty voice. "…Hey, Satan, do you know the cure for people who are addicted to Voldemortserum?"

"Well…" he thought. "I think you have to drink Vampire blood."

Suddenly, Satan parked the car behind a black movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went into the movie theater, where they were showing The Exorcist. In it a boy and a girl were doing it, when suddenly, a serial killer came (lol). Satan and I laughed at the blood 'cause we're sadists.

While Satan was watching the movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic black Nightmare Before Christmas cigar sexily from his pocket and put some Amnesia potion on it. I put it back in his black Emily the Strange bag. Satan turned around and started to smoke it. Black clouds with red pentagrams in them started to fly around everywhere.

"OH MY GOD!" Satan said, jumping up. I gasped, because I was afraid he noticed. "Ebony, guess what?"

I knew that the amnesia had worked.

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet, so it will not work," he said. "Too bad, 'cause I wanted to use some on you."

"Cool." I raised my eyebrow suggestively. And then… he took off my clothes (sexily), and we started to make out. I took off his shirt. He had six-pack just like Gerard Way! We frenched.

"Excuse me, but you are going to have to leave!" Shouted the lady behind us. She was a prep.

"Fuck you!" I said. Suddenly… I attacked her, sucking all her blood.

"Noooooo!" She screamed. All the preps in the theater screamed, but everyone else clapped, 'cause Satan and I looked so cute together. Satan and I started to walk outside.

"Oh my God, how did you do that?" Voldemort asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a vampire," I said as we went into the car.

"Seriously?" He gasped.

"Yeah, seriously," I said, drinking some beer. Satan started to drive the car. I smiled happily.

"It's too bad we didn't get to see the rest of the movie, don't you think?"

"Yeah," I said, as we kissed passionately. Satan parked in a black driveway, next to the place where Draco and I had watched GC for the first time. We went inside, where Marilyn Manson was playing and started to mosh (lol).

"Anti-people, now you've gone too far, Jesus Christ Superstar!" screamed Marilyn on the stage. We made devil horns. I started to dance really close to Satan. He was so sexy! He looked at me all emo, with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgasm! Suddenly, Marilyn Manson stopped singing.

"I would like to present… XBlackXTearX!" He said. I ran onstage. Lucius, Samaro, Snape, and Hades were there. They started to play their instruments. I got onstage.

"Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say!" I sang. (I don't own the lyrics to that song) My voice sounded like a pentagram between Amy Lee and a girl version of Gerard Way. Everyone clapped. Satan got an erection. "I'M NOT OKAY!" I sang finally. Suddenly, Lucius started playing the song wrong by mistake.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" yelled James. "What the fuck?"

"Woops! I'm sorry!" said Lucius.

"You fucking asshole!" James shouted angrily.

"you guys are such preps!" Snape said. "Come on, it was a mistake!"

"Yeah, it's not his fault!" said Sirius.

"No, he ruined the fucking song!" yelled Samaro.

"You guys stop!" I shouted angrily, but it was too late. They all began to fight. Suddenly Samaro took out his knife.

"Oh my fucking God, no!" shouted Lucius, but it was too late. James tried to shoot off his arm.

And then… I jumped (sexily) in front of the bullet!

"No!" yielded everyone, but it was too late. Suddenly, everything went black.

* * *

**Editor's note**: ... The only good thing Tara did was raised awareness of bullshit and provide entertainment for trolls. They _are_ useful, after all.


	40. Chapter 39: TROLOLOLOLOL

**Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX. **

**AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh. **

**And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want, "preps." **

I, the American retail wearing British vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fulfill my duty as the noble, gothic Mary Sue."

Satan sobbed. "I love you, Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll... I'll see you in hell," I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly, and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late. The Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN: I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the goffic power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding, dong, the sue is dead...'

Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon-like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married.

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of Fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. "Where are my emo clothes?" She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occurred to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony suppressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocritical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/**End Crap Fic. **

**AN: Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here: **

**AN: Shut the fuck up, preps! Get a life! YOU SUCK! Oh, and from now on I'll be on vacation in England until, like, August, so I wont be able to update for a while, lolz. Fangs to everyone who reviewed except the preps who flamed! FUCK YOU! MCR RULES 666! **

I woke up in the Nurse's office on a special goffik coffin. Hagrid was in the bed opposite me, in a coma, 'cause Vampire and Draco had beat him up. Mr. Norris was cleaning the room.

"Oh my Satan, what happened?" I screamed. Suddenly, Voldemort came. He looked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuck out, you fucking bastard!" I yelled.

"Thou hath not killed Vampire yet!" He said angrily. Suddenly, he started to cry tears of blood, all secretive.

"Voldemort? Oh my fucking God, what's wrong?" I asked.

Suddenly... Lucius, Professor Trelawney, and Sirius came! B'loody Mary and Vampire were with them. Everyone was holding black boxes. Voldemort disappeared!

"Oh my fucking God, Ebony! You're alive!" Screamed Vampire. I hugged him and B'loody Mary.

"What the fuck happened?" I asked them. "Oh my Satan! Am I, like, dead now?" I gasped.

"Ebony, you were almost shot!" said Sirius. "But the bullet could not kill you, since you were from another time."

"But fangs anyway!" said Lucius, holding out his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

"Oh my God! I can't believe Vampire's dad shot you!" I gasped.

"Well, to be honest, I was possessed by Snape back then," said James.

"Yeah, he was a spy," Sirius said sadly. "He was really a Death Dealer."

"And he was such a fucking poser, too!" Said Lucius. "He didn't even really know who GC were until I told him."

Well, anyway, everyone started to give me presents. I was opening a black box with red 666s (there was a DVD of Corpse Bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Norris looked up angrily, 'cause he hated goths.

"Hey, has anyone fucking seen Draco?" I asked.

"No. Draco told me he would be watching House of Wax," said Professor Trelawney. "He doesn't know that you're better. Anyway, the nurse said you could get up. Come on!"

I got up. Lucius, Sirius, and Professor Trelawney left. I was wearing a black leather nightgown. Under that I had on a sexy black leather bra trimmed with black lace, with a matching thong that said 'goffik girl' on the butt and sexy fishnets, the kind hooked on to my thong (if you don't get the idea, message me, I'll tell you). I put on a black fishnet top under a black MCR t-shirt, a black leather mini with black lace and Converse shoes. I left the hospital wing with B'loody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"Oh my fucking God, let's celebrate!" gasped Willow.

"We can go see House of Wax with Draco!" giggled Vampire.

"Let's go listen to GC and cut ourselves (666)!" said Hermione. We opened the Common Room door sexily. And then... I gasped... Draco was there, doing it with Snape! He was wearing a black t-shirt with '666' on the front and baggy jeans.

"You fucking prep!" We all yelled angrily.

"Yeah, you betrayed us!" shouted Vampire angrily as he took out his black gun.

"No, you don't understand!" screamed Draco sadly, as he took his thingy out of Snape's.

"No shit, you fucking suck, you preppy bastard!" said Willow, trying to attack him (you rock, girl!). I ran suicidally to my room. I (sexily) took a stake out.

"Ebony, no!" screamed Draco, but it was too late. I had slit my wrists with the stake. Suddenly, everything went black again.

**Sincerely, **

**An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P **

**A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains. **

* * *

**Editor's note**: … I don't really need to say anything here, do I? And I didn't write this, by the way.


	41. Chapter 40: OR NOT: she's aliveD:!

**THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day!**

**AN: Shut the fuck up, preps! Get a life! YOU SUCK! Oh, and from now on I'll be on vacation in England until, like, August, so I wont be able to update for a while, lolz. Fangs to everyone who reviewed except the preps who flamed! FUCK YOU! MCR RULES 666! **

I woke up in the Nurse's office on a special goffik coffin. Hagrid was in the bed opposite me, in a coma, 'cause Vampire and Draco had beat him up. Mr. Norris was cleaning the room.

"Oh my Satan, what happened?" I screamed. Suddenly Voldemort came. He looked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuck out, you fucking bastard!" I yelled.

"Thou hath not killed Vampire yet!" He said angrily. Suddenly, he started to cry tears of blood, all secretive.

"Voldemort? Oh my fucking God, what's wrong?" I asked.

Suddenly... Lucius, Professor Trelawney, and Sirius came! B'loody Mary and Vampire were with them. Everyone was holding black boxes. Voldemort disappeared!

"Oh my fucking God, Ebony! You're alive!" Screamed Vampire. I hugged him and B'loody Mary.

"What the fuck happened?" I asked them. "Oh my Satan! Am I, like, dead now?" I gasped.

"Ebony, you were almost shot!" said Sirius. "But the bullet could not kill you, since you were from another time."

"But fangs anyway!" said Lucius, holding out his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

"Oh my God! I can't believe Vampire's dad shot you!" I gasped.

"Well, to be honest, I was possessed by Snape back then," said James.

"Yeah, he was a spy," Sirius said sadly. "He was really a Death Dealer."

"And he was such a fucking poser, too!" Said Lucius. "He didn't even really know who GC were until I told him."

Well, anyway, everyone started to give me presents. I was opening a black box with red 666s (there was a DVD of Corpse Bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Norris looked up angrily, 'cause he hated goths.

"Hey, has anyone fucking seen Draco?" I asked.

"No. Draco told me he would be watching House of Wax," said Professor Trelawney. "He doesn't know that you're better. Anyway, the nurse said you could get up. Come on!"

I got up, suicidal-like. Lucius, Sirius, and Professor Trelawney left. I was wearing a black leather nightgown. Under that I had on a sexy black leather bra trimmed with black lace, with a matching thong that said 'goffik girl' on the butt and sexy fishnets, the kind hooked on to my thong (if you don't get the idea, message me, I'll tell you). I put on a black fishnet top under a black MCR t-shirt, a black leather mini with black lace and Converse shoes. I left the hospital wing with B'loody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"Oh my fucking God, let's celebrate!" gasped Willow.

"We can go see House of Wax with Draco!" giggled Vampire.

"Let's go listen to GC and cut ourselves (666)!" said Hermione. We opened the Common Room door sexily. And then... I gasped... Draco was there, doing it with Snape! He was wearing a black t-shirt with '666' on the front and baggy jeans.

"You fucking prep!" We all yelled angrily.

"Yeah, you betrayed us!" shouted Vampire angrily as he took out his black gun.

"No, you don't understand!" screamed Draco sadly, as he took his thingy out of Snape's.

"No shit, you fucking suck, you preppy bastard!" said Willow, trying to attack him (you rock, girl!). I ran suicidally to my room. I (sexily) took a stake out.

"Ebony, no!" screamed Draco, but it was too late. I had slit my wrists with the stake. Suddenly, everything went black again.

* * *

**Editor's note**: I dunno why the troll posted this twice, but… well, here ya go. There's what, four chapters left?


	42. 41: In Which Tara Kills The Beatles

**AN: To everyone who keeps flaming this: GET A LIFE! I bet you probably don't know who Gerard Way is! You're probably all preps and posers! Anyway, someone hacked into my account in November, and they put up my last chapter, but now there is a new one. I'm sorry for not updating for a while, but I've been really busy. I'm trying to finish the story before the new movie comes out. I'm going on vacation for a month. I'll be back in about two weeks. **

**OMFG! Draco is so hot in all the pictures for the new movie! I wanted Gerard Way to make a cameo appearance, lol. He should play Draco. **

**If you flame, I'll slit my wrists! **

**Raven! You rock, girl! Have fun in England! **

When I woke up, I was in a strange room. I looked around. I was wearing the same outfit I had when I performed with XBlakXTearX! I looked around, confused. It was the Nurse's office, but it looked different! On the wall was a picture of Marilyn Manson! (just imagine that he is an 80s goffik band too, okay, 'cause he is older then Panic! at the Disco or MCR) there was also a goffik black Beatles calendar with a picture of the Beatles wearing eyeliner and black clothes. It said '1980.'

"OMFG! I'm back in time again!" I screamed loudly. Suddenly, Satan (this is actually Voldemort for photo references!). Voldemort was wearing a black leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and fishnet pants. He looked so sexy, I almost had an orgasm!

"OMFG! Ebony, are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay for your information," I snapped (sexily). "OMG! Am I dead?" I remembered I had jumped in front of the bullet from James's gun. I also remembered seeing Draco doing it with Snape!

I guessed that when I had slit my wrists I had went back in time instead of dying. I knew I could go forward in time if I found a Time-Turner or the time machine.

"No, you're not dead," Satan reassured me (suicidally) as he smoked a cigarette (sexily) and **smoke came all over his face**. "You're a vampire, so you can't die from a bullet. Come on, now, let's go see how Harry's dad is doing."

I knew that the real reason I didn't die from the bullet was because I was from the future. "What the fuck? James almost shot Lucius!" I said indignantly. I knew that James had really been possessed, but I didn't want him to know I knew.

"Yeah, I know, but he had a headache, and he was under a lot of stress," Satan reasoned (evilly).

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have two arms instead of one. I walked (seductively) outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexy goffik bi guy! He had bleached blond hair with black streaks down to his ears and he was wearing (goffik) black eyeliner, a black Green Day shirt (it showed Billy Joe with blond hair since it was the 80s), black Converse shoes, and black baggy pants. He walked in (all sexily) like Gerard Way in the video for I Don't 3 You Like I Did Yesterday, and you could see a black tear on his face like the women in that video.

"Hey," he said all quietly.

"Who the fuck is that?" I asked angrily, because I did not know him.

"This is Hedwig!" Said Voldemort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX too, but he had to drop out 'cause he broke his arm.

"Hey, Hedwig," I said seductively, even though I was not trying to be.

"Lol! Hi, Ebony," He answered, but then he ran away, because he had Care of Magical Creatures. He was humming 'Welcome To The Black Parade' under his breath( I know that it's not 80s, but pretend it is, okay!)

"Bye," I said (sexily).

"That was Hedwig. He used to be my boyfriend, but we broke up," Satan said sadly, looking at his black nails.

"OMFG! I can get you back together!" I said, fingering something I didn't know was in my pocket- a black Cute is What we Aim For video iPod that I could take videos with (Does anyone else know about them? They kick ass!).

"Okay, you can forget about your class for now, Hedwig. I'm going to show you something great!" I lead them to the Great Hall. "Come on, you guys."

Lucius, James, Sirius, and Snape were all in the Great Hall. Lucius wouldn't talk with James because he had tried to shoot him.

"Go fuck yourself, you fucking douche!" He shouted at him. "Draco is never going to be friends with Vampire now!"

"Yeah, go fuck yourself, Samaro!" Snape agreed, but I knew he was lying, 'cause it had been his fault James had almost shot Lucius.

"Be quiet, you guys," I said (sexily). My plan was working out great. Now I could make Voldemort good without doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad would never die!

"Okay, Satan and Hedwig, you guys can start making out," I said, and started to film them with the iPod.

"Cool," said Sirius, as Voldemort and Hedwig started to make out (sexily). We watched as they started to take each other's clothes off (sexily). Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucius all watched 'cause they were probably bi. I knew Snape was bi.

"Oh my fucking God! Voldemort! Voldemort!" Screamed Hedwig as his cock touched Voldemort's.

But suddenly, everything stopped as the door opened and in came... Dumbledore and Mr. Norris!

* * *

**Editor's Note**: I couldn't help but bold 'smoke came all over his face.' Childish, sure, but friggin' hilarious too:P


	43. 42: Now With 73 Percent More Stupidity!

**AN: Oh my God! The new book is coming out really soon! I can't wait! I think that Snape will be really the same person as Voldemort 'cause they are both half-bloods, so that will explain why he killed Dumbledore and he hated Harry! And then Harry will have to commit suicide so Voldemort will die, because he is really be a Horcrux! OMG! I hope Draco and Harry get together! That would be so sexy, wouldn't it? If they don't, then JKR is homophobic! Fangs for the help with facts, Medusa! You rock! **

I sat, depressed, in Dumbledore's office with Hedwig, Satan, James, Sirius, Snape and Lucius. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us. He looked younger than he did in the future. He had taken the iPod away, and now he was listening to a shitty Avril Levine song.

"What the hell is this anyway?" he cackled. I hoped he didn't find out that I was from another time.

"Whatever you do, don't blame Ebony, you jerk," Satan said.

"Yeah, seriously! She was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together," Sirius said, deviously.

"Be quiet, you Satanists," Dumbledore cackled. "If you're lucky, I'll probably send you all to Azkaban! That will teach you to copulate in the Great Hall." He changed the song on the iPod to an N*Sync song. Suddenly I noticed something strange about the iPod. It was slowly changing! Dumblydore didn't notice.

"You fucking poser," I muttered.

"I bet you've never herd of GC," James said. I knew what the iPod was changing into- Marty McFly's time machine!

"Shut up, James!" Draco's dad shouted.

"Yeah, shut up!" Snape said.

"No, you shut up, Dumbledore!" said Tom.

"I've had enough of you Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore.

Suddenly, I grabbed the iPod from him. "Everyone! Jump in before it's too late!" I jumped into it. But only one other person jumped in. It was... Satan.

"_You dunderheads!_" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.

I looked around. I was in the Slytherin common room with Satan. I was wearing a black plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnets, a sexy black MCR corset and black stiletto boots with pink pentagrams on them. My earrings were black Satanist signs and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.

"Hey, cool. Where is this?" he asked in an emo voice.

"This is the future. Dumbledore's iPod that he tried to take away from me was also a time machine," I told him.

"Cool. What's an iPod?" he whimpered.

"It's something you use to listen to music," I yakked.

"Oh my fucking God, cool! Wait, what's a four letter word for dirt?" he asked in his sexy voice.

"Um, I guess sand?" I said, confused.

"Yeah. I was just trying to make sure you were still the same person." He triumphantly giggled.

Suddenly, some of my friends walked in.

"Oh my God! You're fucking alive!" said Ginny, who was wearing a black leather jacket, black baggy pants and a goffik black From First to Last shirt. I explained to her why I was alive.

"Konnichiwa, bitch," said Willow. She was wearing a black corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stripes on it. With it she was wearing a black leather miniskirt, big black boots, white foundation, black eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and black lipstick.

"Hey, motherfucker," said Diablo with his red hair. He was wearing a black Panic! at the Disco t-shit and black baggy pants.

"Hey, who's that, Ebony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in, wearing a black t-shit with a red pentagram on it with lace at the bottom, red leather pants with black lace, and black stilettos.

"Oh, it's Satan," I told her, and she nodded, knowing the truth.

Suddenly, Satan started to cry.

"Are you okay, Satan?" we asked, concerned.

"Oh, my fucking God! You're from the future! What if you don't like me anymore 'cause we're from different times?" he asked.

"No, I still like you," I said (sexily) to him.

"Okay," he said, reassured. I let him listen to Teenagers by MCR on my iPod while I went to go outside to find out some things. I gave Diablo a signal to keep Satan occupied, but then Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Professor Trelawney ran in! She was wearing a gothic black minidress with depressing black stripes, white and black stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing lots of black eyeliner.

"Oh my fucking God, where's Draco? How did Snape get back here? I thought he was in Azkaban," I asked sadly.

"Ebony! I was so worried about you, but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vampire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her. She was a bad student," Trelawney said, reassuringly.

"That bitch! Did she free Hagrid and Lupin, too?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.

"Yes. They are on the loose in school. Dumbledore is back, and Cornelius Fudge is on his way to help everyone. Tell everyone you see to lock themselves in their common room!" Trelawney said, worried.

"Okay. But where's Draco? How come he was doing it with Snape?"

"I dunno why, but I know he almost tried to commit suicide after he saw you almost kill yourself," she said.

"Oh my God, that's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said, "Listen everyone, I have something important to do. Everyone stay in here!" With that, I ran out.

"Good luck, Tara!" everyone cried.

I ran (sexily) down the stairs into the Great Hall, while the portraits around me looked at me, scared. There was hardly anyone on the stairs and there was an atmosphere of horror. On the way, I saw Britney laughing on the stairs. She was wearing a slutty pink shirt with flowers on it, a blue jean skirt from Abercrombie, and pink stilettos. She looked just like a cross between those fucking preps Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan.

"You fucking bitch!" I shouted angrily.

"No, you're totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will, like, totally kill you!" she laughed.

"Crucio!" I shouted, pointing my black wand, and she started screaming, because she was being tortured. I laughed sadistically.

"No! Help me! Please!" Britney screamed, terrified.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand, I saw the video camera Snape and Lupin had used to take the video of me. I put the tape of Voldemort doing it with Hedwig onto it. Then, I continued to run down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached the Great Hall, I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG! Vampire!" I yelled.

We hugged each other happily. He looked at me with his gothic red eyes and spiky black hair. Around his eyes were black eyeliner and eye shadow He was wearing a black leather jacket, leather pants, a Panic! at the Disco concert shirt and his black Converse shoes. He looked more like Joel from Good Charlotte than ever. (Did you hear their song The River? It rocks!)"I was so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.

"I know, but I'm a vampire, lol. When I woke up, I was back in 1980, so… anyway, I brought a younger Voldemort with me. And where's Draco, anyway?" I asked.

"Draco? You mean that fucking poser who betrayed you?" Vampire snarled, anger in his sexy voice.

"I know he betrayed me, but we have to find him," I said.

"I'll do it, then," Harry said, nastily.

"Okay," I agreed. Suddenly...all the lights in the room went out. And then... the Dark Mark appeared.

"Oh my fucking Satan!" Harry shouted.

"I think Voldemort has arrived," I said, anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco. I guess we should separate."

"Okay," Vampire said, disapperating. I ran sadly into the Great Hall.

* * *

**Editor's Note**: Two more chapters, guys! I think I should make this editing-bad-Fanfiction-thing into a series. I had a helluva lot of fun editing My Immortal and seeing everyone's reactions:) What do you guys think? Should I edit more so-bad-it's-good and it's-so-bad-it-makes-me-want-to-shoot-myself-in-the-face fanfictions? Let me know! (I'll probably end up doing it anyway, haha. Just to keep myself busy and shit when I'm not writing or I'm procrastinating like the lazy fucker I am, lol.)


	44. Chapter 43: Foursomes Solve Eveything

**AN: I think after this, I will have about two or three more chapters. Fangs to all my reviewers! Not the flamers! if you flamed this story, then you suck! If you flame, then fuck you! **

I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty, except for one person. Draco was there! He sat there, in deadly gloom, in his black '666' t-shirt and his baggy black pants. He had slit his wrists! I felt mad at him for having sex with Snape, but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way, with his red eyes and his pale white face.

"Draco, are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm not okay!" he screamed. I thought of the MCR song, and I got even more depressed, 'cause that song always makes me cry. I gave him a blunt and he started to smoke it.

"Oh, Draco, why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked tearfully.

"I-" Draco began to say, but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated into the room! They didn't see us.

"I'm so glad Snape and I were freed," said Lupin.

"Damn, this job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking students!" Mr. Norris agreed.

"Pop addelum!" I yelled angrily, pointing my wand at them.

"No!" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.

"You fucking perv," I said, laughing with depths of evil and depression in my voice. "Now you have to tell us where Voldemort is, or I'm going to torture you!"

"I don't know where he is!" said Lupin. Suddenly, Satan and Vampire ran into the room. Vampire didn't know who Satan really was.

"Oh my Satan, we were so worried about you guys!" Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red contacts, black t-shirt that said '666' on it and pale skin like Gerard Way, Vampire with his sexy black hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked just like Brendon Urie then.

I seductively took the camera from my pocket. And then... I began frenching Draco sexily. Lupin gasped. Draco began to take all of his clothes off and I could see his white six-pack. Then Vampire took his own clothes off, too. We all began making out together, sexily. I took off my black leather bra, my black lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Everyone took their cocks out except for me (I'm a girl, lol). "Oh my Satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy. Then he did the same thing to Harry. I began making out with Satan and he joined in. "OMS!" cried Vampire. "Oh, Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh, Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasure. Lupin watched in shock. We took turns doing torture curses on him, 'cause we were all sadists. Suddenly...

...a big black car that said '666' on the license plate flew straight through the windows. And Snape was in it!

* * *

**Editor's Note**: omgD: Random foursome. If you have the urge to drink bleach, you probably already know you're not alone in that urge. You've come this far, don't give up! The next chapter is the last!


	45. Ch 44: The Penultimate That Never Was

**Chapter 44. **

**AN: Well, I have nothing to say, but everyone, stop flaming, okay! If any goffik people are reading this, then you rock! **

**OMG, I still can't wait for the movie! Tom Felton is so hot, lol. I hope Harry will become goffik, because my friend told me he is really emo in this book! **

**OMFG, I'm leaving dubya pretty soon; can't wait! This will probably be the last chapter until I come back. **

"That's my car!" shouted Draco angrily. But suddenly, it was revealed who was in the car. It was Snape!

"I shall free you, Lupin, but first you must help me kill these idiotic dunderheads," he said cruelly from the car, as it flew in circles above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Then the Dark Lord shall never die!"

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he looked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell you, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sex with him, but he's a rapist!"

We all put our clothes on quickly, except Satan. We were so scared! But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with green eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into Voldemort!

"I knew who thou were all along," he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee!" Thunder came in the room.

"No! Please don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diablo, Ginny, Dracula, Fred and George, Hagrid, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Sirius, and Lucius all ran in.

"What is the meaning of this?" Dumbledore asked angrily, and Voldemort looked away (because Dumbledore is the only wizard he is scared of). He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him (sexily). Voldemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstick.

"Oh my Goth!" Slughorn gasped. (geddit, 'cause I'm goffik)

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.

"You fucking preppy fags!" Sirius shouted angrily.

"I know a four-letter word for dirt! CRUCIO!" screamed Harry, but the sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down. Snape quickly crawled out of it and picked up the video camera.

"Oh my fucking God!" I cried, because the video of me in the bathroom, the video of me doing it with Draco, and the video of Satan doing it with Vampire were all on it!

"If you kill me, then these videos will be shown to everyone in the school. Then you can be just like that 'goffik' girl, Paris Hilton." He laughed meanly.

"No!" I screamed. "FYI, I have the picture of you doing it with Lupin!"

"What's she talking about?" Lupin slurred, as he sat in chains.

"I saw, too! She's gonna show everyone the picture!" Harry shouted angrily.

"Shut up!" Lupin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!" yelled Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all die soon."

"Think again, you fucking Muggle poser!" Harry yelled, and then he and Diablo and Neville both took out black guns! But Voldemort took out his own one.

"You guys are in a Latin stand-off!" I shouted desperately.

"Accio Neville's wand!" cried Voldemort, and suddenly Neville's wand was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee, and Ebony, you will die!"

He made lighting come all over the place.

"Save us, Ebony!" Dumbledore cried.

I cried (sexily). I just wanted to go to the common room and slit my wrists with my friends while we watched Shark Attack 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco, but I knew I had to do something more important.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" I shouted.

* * *

**Editor's Note:** (Sorry this took so long, I was writing LOTR parody.)

So this is it. This is all Tara wrote, as far as we know. It is rather surprising that she never finished it, though we can imagine why. Maybe her parents found it. And, as any parent would if their child wrote something like this, they'd block the site or take her computer and get her help. I'm being totally serious, guys. I'm not talking about her spelling or quality of writing- though it could be considered a capital offense-I'm talking about how she glamorizes cutting and suicide and rape. _This is not okay_. Never use or speak about it casually.

But anyway. In 2008, FF decided to shift through its archives and delete anything that wasn't up to their standards. MI, naturally, was deleted and was never reposted by Tara, nor was she ever heard from again.


End file.
